So I haven't written in here since my intro post, & I don't have anything in particular to ruminate on right now. But I figured that maybe if I started writing, I could just let the keyboard lead me where it may, & maybe something worth posting will emerge.
For those of you who don't know much about my life as of right now... well, it's pretty ridiculous, mostly in the best ways. I live with two pretty fabulous roommates, Angela and Sara. Sure, we don't get along swimmingly all the time (Sara and I will be the first to admit that, as we've had more than our share of spats in the five months we've spent here, & I'm sure we'll have more in the remaining seven), but I love them both dearly. Really.
Sara is about five years my senior, & is very much a mother hen, which is wonderful sometimes (I've filled that role in a lot of my living situations, & I'll admit it's kind of nice to get a bit of a break from it) but sometimes we just butt heads a little bit. We're both pretty aware that we're just very different kinds of people, & a lot of people wonder how we manage to live together without killing each other. I've been asked about it several times, & I'm sure she has as well. I ask myself the same thing. Again, it's not that we dislike each other by any means. My roommate is wonderful. We just need to give each other lots of patience & grace, which I think we both forget to exercise on occasion. Forgiving others, as God in Christ has forgiven us. Loving as He has loved us. How often do any of us consciously remember to apply this to our lives? Not just Sara & myself. How many times do I neglect to forgive the customer at work who has offended me? How many times do I try to justify holding a grudge against a friend who's wronged me? How many times do I hold onto the hurt from a boy who's broken my heart?
Then Peter came up to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:21-35, NIV)
This passage has always had a way of convicting me. It's not just the big picture of it, either. It's all the little things about it that get to me. I usually hate bullet-point lists, but right now it's the only way I can make my thoughts on this relatively organized.
- The debt that the servant had to the master was so great -- ten thousand talents would be equal to millions of dollars. No servant could possibly own enough property that selling off everything he had would pay off such a debt.
- Similarly, our debt to God is a fairly large sum -- you know, the whole creation, breath-of-life thing. Oh, & there's that whole becoming-a-man-and-dying-for-our-sins bit... :)
- Yet the master forgives it as soon as he is asked. No hesitation. & not just "hey, it's fine, pay me back when you can". He cancels it. Every last cent of a several-million-dollar debt, erased, done.
- On the other hand, the debt that this man is owed by another servant (& only just now did I really process this one -- fellow servant, a man on his own level, as opposed to his master) amounts to nothing more than a few dollars. A drop in the bucket.
- After the servant has been so greatly, so extensively, so undeservingly forgiven, he approaches someone on his own level for payment of a debt hardly consequential, & seeks repayment with such vengeance -- to the point of violence, & throwing his fellow servant in jail, though he has no right or reason to do this after the abundant mercy he's just been shown.
- The big picture, of course -- "Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had mercy on you?" God has forgiven all our debt, an entire lifetime's worth that we'll never be able to repay -- He doesn't ask us to. If we ask for that mercy, He cancels everything at the drop of a hat. Do we embrace the grace given us & pass it on? Why do we hold back forgiveness for so little when we have been forgiven for so much?
